I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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