The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
We need to get me chipped asap
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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