is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
