Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
