Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
