At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
