There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
