my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
