Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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