shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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