i may or may not be watching the land before time
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
