The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
