o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
