What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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