were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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