it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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