there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
