Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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