So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
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