I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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