man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
