he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
