He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
