she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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