plz talk dirty to me
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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