batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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