Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
