Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
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We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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