She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
