people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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