I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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