All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
