Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
