But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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