I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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