We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
