i would punch a child for taco bell
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
