Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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