I hate all girls vehemently.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
