What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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