Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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