im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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