I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
3pm strippers are depressing
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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