Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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