dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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