Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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