If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
