Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I lost the right to judge tonight
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
