Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
