Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
