In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
