nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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