i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
