You made me cry and you don't even care
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
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you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
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As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
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