so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
