so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
