I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
