He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I did not marry a roomba.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
