White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
