just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
