whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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