I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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