I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
