My first STD was from a foam party
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
