My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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